A Night on the Wildwood Boardwalk
You may think
that it is too early to worry about the details of your summer vacation.
Maybe you just signed the lease on the rental. You figure you can worry
about the rest later. I beg to differ.
I ask you
to look ahead to that night the kids
want to ride the amusements -
and let's face it you'll be lucky to get away with only one night. Think
back to when you were the kid.
you had to settle for one outing to the Boardwalk rides, every night seemed
like the right night to go. I'm not talking about the rides designed to
please toddlers that are scattered around the shore. I am talking about
the big rides.. the amusement piers
where you hear the screams before you see the lights.
I am talking
When I was
a kid, my parents held me to one trip per vacation - an event I considered
the high point of any year. Since I was ten years younger than my siblings,
they had no interest in hanging out with me. That left my mother - don't
ask how my father got a pass but he did. I would be my mother's companion
for luncheons, shopping and theatre. In turn, she would be my partner
for ferris wheels, roller coasters and merry-go-rounds (a ride far too
tame for my taste that we rode only at her insistence).
Why am I
telling you this? Unless you love being dropped
and spun and generally tossed about, count the number of children
you'll be taking to the amusements. If you don't invite a buddy to make
sure each kid has someone to ride with, you are going to end up on the
rides. Every ride. Think about that.
believe that's great. Maybe you are looking forward to the rides you go
on every year. Maybe you are looking forward to the rides you haven't
been on in many years. If so, wonderful. But promise me one thing. If
you elect not to line up ride-buddies for your children, at least keep
the following in mind
in three or more directions at the same time are not meant for most
adults. If you're not a stickler for telling up from down, don't worry
about this one. If, however, you insist on knowing at all times in which
direction gravity is pulling you, think twice about boarding an amusement
where you ride in a spinning car on a spinning arm on a spinning wheel.
into the amusement more securely than John Glenn was for his first ride
in space, ask yourself two questions. Why? And, after you figure that
one out, am I really up for this?
lethal when boarded seconds after exiting any ride meeting the specifications
described in items 1 and 2. You are hearing this from someone once hosed
down by the kid running the Tilt-a-Whirl.
before embarking on any trip to the amusements. For example, do not
combine Thai and Soul Food before hopping into the car for the ride
to the Boardwalk. Again, I must stress that you are hearing this from
someone who was hosed down by the kid running the Tilt-a-Whirl.
care in accepting ride recommendations from others.
- Do not
believe anyone's claim that they have
before unless they sign a document that carries serious financial penalties
if the ride does not turn out to be a piece of cake.
- Do not
accept the word of any personthat
any ride is piece of cake.
- Do remove
your glasses before riding. Not so you won't lose them. The less you
actually see of what is happening, the better.
- Do not
consume high quantities of alcohol before riding.
high quantities of anything before riding.
- And here
is the most important thing about any trip to the amusements. If, like
me, you love being thrown, tossed, turned and otherwise thrilled on
any amusement deserving its own circle in the hell, do carry an
-- just in case the kid who runs the Tilt-a-Whirl has to hose you down.
You won't have as much fun on the Maniacal Monster Masher, or whatever
they are calling those rides these days, in pants that are already wet.
here for more photos of the Wildwood Boardwalk.
Jane Kelly is the author of three mysteries with a humorous twist set at the Jersey shore.
More about Jane Kelly!